There is nothing more important to our spiritual awakening than healing our layers of trauma, the trauma that we spend much of our lives overlooking or minimizing. When we have gone really deeply into our healing process we find these lingering layers of trauma very hard to clear up. I’m going to describe a few of these ‘layers’ here and give you a way to release them.
First off there is the Trauma of Living as a Human on Earth:
Earth is, apparently, a really tough place to be, compared to many other dimensions and planets that our soul has occupied. We have a disconnection from Source energy that does not appear to exist to the same degree throughout the universe. I see in my past life regression (QHHT) sessions how clients have lived many lives more connected to their spiritual essence than we even think possible here. We are in a dense place. We came here to figure that out and remember but, it’s really hard. Trauma just seems to be a fundamental part of our disconnection from spirit. It’s the difficult part of the game of remembering who we are. It is one of the biggest obstacles in awakening from the illusion of spiritual separation.
Next there is the Normal Life Trauma:
This is all of the stuff that we go to shrinks and healers for. Abuse, neglect, dis-empowerment, the ‘not good enough’ syndrome, being made fun of. It is all of the things that are traumatic to the sweet soul you really are deep down. That soul is appalled at cruelty, abuse and emotional disconnection. You were born as a sweet soul and traumatized as part of learning to function in this world. We shouldn’t minimize the enormity of the task of reversing and healing all of this.
It is all held together by shame.
Imagine that you are truly innocent and sweet deep down. Weren’t you born that way, after all?
At some point you were shamed. You were belittled for being weak and emotional. You were teased because of the way you spoke, the mistakes you made, some adorable little quirk that was different. You internalized that shame and have been trying to overcome it or placate it ever since. No matter what you do to paper over the shame, it is there, lingering, ready to be re-activated at a moment’s notice. And what’s amazing about shame is that it uses itself to reinforce itself. We are ashamed of being ashamed. We usually deny feeling shame at all cost. That, in fact, is a clue to healing it.
The most important way you can heal this trauma yourself is to love the inner child that is traumatized. You are not really traumatized because Billy in first grade called you a poopy head; your inner first grader is. The thing is that when Billy did that, you rejected a part of yourself. You did that with shame and avoidance. You locked in the trauma, perhaps because you were too ashamed to cry and release the tears that would heal the pain. You were too ashamed to cry because you knew that you would be further shamed if you did. You were traumatized like this silly example probably hundreds of times. Then you papered over these traumas with your adult mindset of logic and emotional numbness. Now, today, your adult mind may think it even more ridiculous to cry over Billy’s taunt. But you have a traumatized first grader, among others, trapped in your consciousness. This first grader is trapped in this trauma because you haven’t given it the love it needs to release it.
When you feel any reactive negative emotion rather than reacting, ask yourself, “How old is the inner child feeling this emotion?”. Next, close your eyes and imagine yourself, your adult self, meeting this child. Imagine sitting on the bed in the child’s room, looking at the child and introducing yourself. “I am you but now I’m xx years old. I’m sorry I left you here. I just couldn’t handle the pain so I ran away and left you here all by yourself. You didn’t deserve that and I’m sorry.” Next, imagine telling that little version of you all about your life since you left him/her. Feel free to brag but keep it at a kid’s level: “I can go on an airplane all by myself, wherever I want to go.” “I can drive a car.” “I have my own apartment.”
Your inner child will probably see you as a superhero if you really make the connection.
Then, invite the child to come along with you. Don’t force it. You may feel resistance, fear and mistrust. You may even get a “NO”. Respect that and be firm but gentle and loving. Be steady in your desire to reunite. When you get a “YES”, imagine having the child sit on your lap and just be absorbed into your body. Now, feel the vitality, curiosity and childlike wonder that is now invigorating you. Spend some time feeling what it’s like to be integrated with that long-lost aspect of yourself. Allow any tears or other signs of emotion to flow freely at this point. It could get emotionally intense but it’s important not to resist anything at this point. Breathe, feel and notice that integrating that traumatized inner child is an amazing thing to do. Your sweet soul will overflow with gratitude, and that beats trauma and shame any day!