We deserve to manifest our authentic desires and the idea that we don’t is something we have to deal with. What if the whole problem of human existence is that we think we don’t deserve? We have learned to feel undeserving since childhood but we still try to get the things we feel unworthy of. Could it be that our sense of a lack of deserving is at the root of criminality and cruelty? I think so. Let me explain why.
Conditioned to Feel Unworthy
We have been convinced that we are unworthy of what we desire but that doesn’t stop us from desiring, it just distorts us emotionally. We start from a true desire that emerges naturally within us. It emerges from innocence. At some time in childhood, usually often, authority figures punished or shamed us in some way for our desires. We felt shame and anger. But we still desired what we desired. We still do. So we come up with strategies to get what we want and, those strategies end up being an inauthentic foundation of our character. They are inauthentic because they are based on the lie that we are unworthy of our desires. Our true essence becomes distorted to the extent we feel undeserving of our desires. And then a feedback loop begins where our desires get warped as well. And underneath it all is the fact that we do deserve to manifest our authentic desires.
Natural Desire is Inborn
We are born curious, alert and fascinated and have no inkling of not deserving what we want. And we have no problem screaming for hours if we don’t get what we want. That’s who we are! We may just scream to release steam or just because things aren’t exactly the way we want them. Babies don’t give a shit about deserving. They are bold and assertive about their desires and aren’t trying to get anything unreasonable. We want to be fed and the shit wiped off of our bodies. We want to be held and we want to be comfortable. And, again, we will scream if we don’t get what we want. Feel that. That’s you at your primal core–natural self expression. The desires are authentic and uncomplicated. We have no concept of apologizing about insisting on what we deserve.
The Inflated Ego is a Distortion of True Deserving
Of course the point of all of this isn’t to turn us all into screaming babies. It’s not to create some deeper sense of entitlement than some people seem to have. We have all seen a lot of people who seem to have no problem with feeling deserving. But I would argue that even the most egotistical, entitled people are just acting in-authentically because their authentic desires have been warped by being denied. The priest who molests children has natural sexual desires that have been denied. The energy of those desires has been warped and a warped sense of deserving that is shame based as well as power based substitutes for the healthy desire that has been denied.
We had to learn to exist in the world and that was oftentimes traumatic
The point is that we are born with authentic desires and a sense of deserving that wasn’t even a question. Then, of course, our desires were held back. That was necessary to a large degree. Mommy and daddy had to keep us from touching the stove, falling in the river or eating poison. They may have yelled. It may have felt traumatizing. Fear, guilt and self doubt about our desires may have ensued. We all had to learn that we couldn’t do anything we wanted just as a necessity for survival.
It’s not about blaming our parents or society. We had to lose something to get it back. We had to learn how to deal with the world and not die. Cool, if you are reading this, you made it. So now the goal has to be to clear out all of the emotional heaviness of not deserving and all of the distortions that radiated out from the trauma resulting from that break from infantile bliss that we all suffered through.
Authentic Deserving is an Expression of Source as Us
I always start from the assumption that everything in the universe is divine. I don’t claim know what the hell divine is. But, to anyone who has had a deep spiritual experience, there is awareness and a sense of love and oneness in whatever it is. And I assume that we are just as divine as anything else in existence even though we may be in “lower” forms. Just because you aren’t an angel or God incarnate doesn’t mean that you are less a part of all that is than whatever divine beings you believe in or can imagine.
I like the idea that whatever the divine, or Source, is, it split itself up into infinite creations that it is fully a part of. If God created the universe, didn’t he create it out of God Stuff? So then it’s all god and so are you.
Heal the Distortions and Bring Forth Deserving as a Foundation for Conscious Manifestation
So the only thing left to do is clear out all of the gunk, all of the distortions of the lens, that have us holding onto inauthentic desires. We need to heal our shame and feelings of unworthiness so we can get at our natural selves. We also need to clear out the false grandiosity and ego structures that we have built to compensate for our insecurity.
There are some signs to look for when we are looking at whether our desires are authentic. When we feel authentic desires we feel grounded and excited. The desires give us a lot of energy and enthusiasm and our pursuit of them is fun. We feel a sense of innocence and our desires are not about harming anyone in any way. Becoming obsessed, in a good way, we act like Mozart may have when he was learning to play the piano, amazing ourselves at the flow of self expression and creativity.
Everything is a Feeling
It is also important to always keep in mind that every desire is a feeling that we attach words to. We need to keep going back to that feeling and let the feeling guide the manifestation more than the idea we’ve attached to it. For example, if you were a kid and dreamed of driving a race car and now become a millionaire and have the ability to drive a race car, that isn’t necessarily still your most authentic expression of that desire. You may have to update the expression to something else, or not. When I was a kid my dad had a jeep for about a week before someone totaled it. I rode in it once. It felt so cool that I was obsessed. Much later the first car I bought was a jeep. I got over that desire very quickly after a round trip cross country drive. It was never about the jeep. It still is about the feeling.
The point is to keep feeling into your desires in the moment. There is a tendency to go into the mind and identify with certain parts of our identity that are relics of the past. Our true desire is alive. It is now. It is inspired.
And we deserve it.